This is written while I was still in fresh grief and I cry every time I try to edit, so please be kind.
Our story starts in July 2009. After coming back from being underway with the US Navy, my husband and I began trying for our first child. We were lucky and it only took a couple weeks. We found out that I had become pregnant July 4th.
At week 11 I was at work on the USS Winston Churchill when I began bleeding horribly. At the ER we were told that the baby was still alive and that they weren't sure where the blood was coming from; they called it a threatened miscarriage. Bleeding had subsided and I was released to go home and go back to life as normal.
Around the same time I started to have massive migraines and started to see stars every once in a while, every doctor visit the hospital corpsman would take my blood pressure multiple times to get the number they liked; it was always high. I would also mention the stars and migraines and my midwife told me that it was nothing that it was normal. When I mention that my mother has factor V Leiden (thick blood) on one gene the response I was given "Oh you more than likely don't have it." Spoiler I do in fact have the same clotting disorder. Being young and first time pregnant I took the word of my midwife thinking she knew what she was talking about.
November 2nd we had the 20 week ultrasound and found out we were having a daughter. We were also told that our conception date was off by a couple weeks that baby was measuring at 17 weeks. I told the techs that that isn't possible I was underway the earliest date I could have conceived was July 4th. With that info I was told to go see my midwife. When we went to our appointment with the midwife we were told that the first ultrasound was correct and I was 20 weeks but just to be safe she set up another ultrasound appointment for the 30th of December.
Over the next couple of weeks I started complaining about pain in my right side by shoulder blade that nothing could relieve. Again nothing was done I was told it was probably heartburn or gull bladder because of family history. December 25th, 2009 (27 weeks 1day) I went to work at Naval Station Norfolk Quarter Deck, the pain in my shoulder blade was getting worse by the time I got home that night it was almost to the point where it hurt to move. My husband and I opened our Christmas presents to each other he had gotten me a massager because he listened to me complain about my back pain. I got him Steelers monopoly we played a bit and then the pain was so bad I was in tears. We rushed to labor and delivery. Baby was put on a monitor and she was showing a lot of distress, my blood work came back...severe Preeclampsia and HELLP.
We were told that with all the information they had gotten that to save me and the baby I would have to be rushed into surgery and have an emergency cesarean. Within 10 minutes David and I said our "I love yous'" and I was in the OR and put under because my blood platelets were so low they didn't want to poke me any more than they had to with fear of me bleeding out. A lot of the next day is a blur because of the morphine.
That first day I was given pictures of our daughter in the NICU. I was told she was born at 9:12pm weighing 15 ounces and 11.5 inches and because she was breech I had a classical incision on my uterus. We gave her the name Laken Angela-Mary Bennett (I fought this name so hard while we were in the bliss stage, because what happens when she would grow up and marry someone with the last name that started with a P or worse an E. LAMP or LAME) we planned to call her LAMB and now since she was born Christmas night she became our Christmas LAMB.
I remember family rushing from different states to visit us in the hospital. The second day I was wheeled into the NICU to see my daughter. She was so tiny and hooked up to all kinds of machines. I was told that she had IUGR or intra uterine growth restriction and because of blood clots on the placenta she wasn't getting enough nutrition and oxygen. Back in my room I had a doctor come in and asked me if I was being monitored for Preeclampsia. I told him no that I was told all my symptoms we normal pregnancy symptoms. He then explained to me I was having symptoms around 15 weeks with my high BP and seeing spots, and if I waited just one more hour to come in that both Laken and I would be dead.
I was kept in the hospital four days to keep me near Laken and to make sure my liver, blood and urine went back to normal. Over the next 10 days Laken had good days and bad days. My parents left to go home back to Michigan on a good day and just a day later I was calling them to come back.
The morning of January 4th, 2010 I was woken by a call from the hospital saying that we needed to come to the hospital right away. Laken was having a really bad day. Her ventilator was turned all the way up and medications were maxed out. And all of our praying wasn't enough to save my little girl. This was the first and last day we got to hold and kiss our daughter. We made the decision to take her off all support. This was the day she opened her left eye and I got to see her deep blue eyes. This was the day we got to hear her cat like cry. And this was the day our daughter died in my arms.
I blame the Navy and their midwife for her death, for not getting me orders off the ship before 20 weeks, for getting radiated on by tug boats during sea and anchor, and for not taking my complains serious. I never had swelling that normally accompanies preeclampsia so I wasn't taken serious. To keep our daughter's memory alive we have her Urn on a shelf filled with Lambs and her memory box.
March 2011 our son, our Rainbow was born. And without our LAMB he would not be here safe and sound. Because of everything that went wrong with my first pregnancy I was watched more closely for signs of Preeclampsia. He was born via cesarean at 36 weeks 4 days to prevent uterine rupture from the classical cut I had before and to hopefully beat preeclampsia. There is not a day that goes by that I do not miss Laken. Some days are harder than others, mostly around Christmas I get into moods where I want to take down every last decoration but I know I can't because that would rob Quinn of part of his childhood. I still take one day at a time and live in each moment with Quinn and my husband.
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